Consider this deleted:

No-one pays attention, the only other people who use it i really dont want to listen to, and it just isnt as good as tumblr.
however, my ramblings have to go somwhere, so ive set up a tumblr... simply because it is vastly superior. http://zelliott.tumblr.com/

although, the only reason im not deleting LJ, is because of the memories.. which will happen as soon as i got round to noting them down.

LALALALALALALALALALALALAAAA!!!

good thing
good thing
good thing

LALALALALLALALALALLALALALALALALAAAA


whingewhinge.

LALALALALAAAAA!

Im quite aware, that nearly everytime i post on here that i have a new 'interest' as i call them, which boils down to some girl i quite like. They all seem to come and go and it all makes me seem like a bit of a manwhore (as fran has taken to pointing out everytime i see her now) I'm sure a fair few people agree with her.

to be honest, im getting fucking sick of it now. I end up in these things and always take it so far, then let it die and not take it to another more serious level. I tried making it more seriosu with the last one... it ended up in her getting hurt and confused. bad move.

right, i want to break this spell now (this refers to post before last). so you should pay attention to me, flirt with me, get interested, like me, really like me, we should get together, and be really happy. because i think we suit each other... you just havent realised it.

IM NOT A FUCKING MANWHORE AND I CAN MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK.
just need the chance, with the right girl.

i havent quite figured out a proper use for you yet, are you a diary? or a blog? or what?
i dont care, but ive had this thing for about 2 years now... and ive neglected it and shit, but i think ive cracked it.

I like it because it doesnt judge, i can write out feelings and not have to care who sees it... or who judges it. it's not public. always always listens.
AND it saves them, i can go back and look at how i was two years ago. this is useful in providing lyric subjects and the like.

Hey, you! pay attention to me please? I quite like, your a breath of fresh air and i want to spend mroe time with you. not because i fancy you or anything. but because your actually, incredibly cool and it would be rather epic to get closer to you. Although to be fair, id give anything to be able to take it further... but still.  you should pay attention to me. You caught my eye straight away... and ive put quite alot of effort into getting you tao talk to me and seeing me like buying cables which i dont even need, and lending you plugs, and spending ALL of sunday night flirting with you. hell i even drove back into maidstone in the pissing rain to spend an extra hour and a bit with you. i ran through the rain to see you, i made such an effort to keep a conversation going with you...

imn ot really sure what im trying to get across, but just... dont ignore me, i want you to be interested. coz to be fair... i want you.

i might get a ukulele... alastair seems to be enjoying his alot and ive always liked the idea of them. would be mighty fun at festivals and during boring times.

really really REALLY quite excited for this week, its lined up to be truly epic.'

-band practice everyday :D
-new bass +stuff sometime during the week
-gogol bordello album released on thursday.
-sesh with gaz and charlie on friday.
-YOG also on friday
-gig on saturday
-gig on monday

it shall be my Uber-Week.

the only things that let it down are college and work, and both are going away in 2 months anyway (:

things i would like to take a sledgehammer to:

-college
-the faces of everybody AT college
-dave at work.
-that fucking cable that stopped me doing my recording -.-
FUCKING COLLEGE FUCKING PRICKS.


Things i love right now:

-Light the Pig
-music
-cider
-being free, in many senses and forms.

also as much as i see c-fuck this, why are we talking to each other like were not gonna read this ric? its just silly (:

but yeah, cyderphex is fun. damn fun sometimes and it means alot.
but Light the Pig is abit more serious which is what ive been looking for for a while now. our band is still important but as a laugh and musical exercise as opposed to a working band.
i didnt realise how much it meant to you, sorry mate :/

everything is awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

that last post? all worked out fairly quickly.

-i have moneyyyyyy
-and closeness to freinds againnnnnnnn
-and possibly a new interestttttttt, lets see how this works out (:
-and i passed my theoryyyyyy 50/50.

shits going here, no-one to tell it to. no-one i want to tell it to, i just need to get it out.

im losing it, or i feel like it anyway.
it feels like ive lost a fuck load of friends, and the ones that are really close to me are pushing me away.

spikes acting weird now... kinda wish i hadnt said anything. maybe im just paying more attention than usual to her behaviour now. but shes takling less on msn, not saying much... and she normally invited me over when jawjas over and she didnt earlier.

tom's just weird, too much work is making him fucking miserable.

jawja's a fucking druggy and its annoying me now, in fact shes annoying me... constant whining and sucking up and the herds of boys hounding her for sex and she wonders why she cant get a boyfriend, and the fucking losing weight thing. it pisses me off to the core.

ric i just hcnet been as close to since i left school, and it wont get better with uni and shit.

other friends like claire and jade and nathan etc.. i dont know i have their support,i think but not as much as a bond.

i think what im trying to say is... theyre all moving away from me. i feel like theres no-one there to catch me, sort of... empty... scared. i know theyre all there for me, but its how i feel at this exact second.
in fact, im seriosuly considering applying for that 6 month photography contract on that ship.. just to get away from life and start over, just fora bit. to find myself and to grow as a human being then come back and start being an adult, insteaed of a child. ive pissed off too many people as a child.

in fact, i just need to get out, i need to go somewhere and find myself.

college isnt helping, in fact... in terms of education i feel liek a car... just run out of petrol, and spluttering along on its last legs, i dont know how everyone else is doing it, i feel like my very soul and personality is getting ground away at by that fucking place, the whole regime and then in a weird twist the lack fo regime. pretty soon, there'll be nothing left and ill just stop. and that'll bit in terms of education. whether thats now, next week or i carry on plodding untill the course is over is yet to be seen.


to really really sum up, i need a break... or a holiday or something to find myself and recharge and be me, and come back a new person